What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
