The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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