yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
