There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
