she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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