Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
