I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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