I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
