its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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