She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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