Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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