There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
