i jhust puked up my retainher.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
