no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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