My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
