I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
