You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
