ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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