i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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