Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You ruined the universe
Randomize