just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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