then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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