Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
pray to the hookup gods
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
