I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
