he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
