I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
