I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
