brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
