Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
