she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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