You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Damn victory sex feels great
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
