actually, I'm a sock model
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize