Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Randomize
