I must be too annoying 4 u.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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