dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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