I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
