I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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