If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
