Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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