his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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