I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
