Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
