I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
