just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
