1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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