I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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