So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
