Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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