I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just had sex on a roof
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
