Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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