I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize