she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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