I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
