do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
