I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
