my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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