I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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