Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ruined the universe
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize