I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
