You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
